October 31st, 2017 by Janine
OK Mr Tumour or more accurately Messrs Tumours. Listen up. Yep, all four of you. You know who you are. You are hanging around unwanted and uninvited. Where do you get off thinking its ok to be dossing about in my body? You’re a greedy bunch, aren’t you? Not contented with one spot, you hunker down in two places in my spine, my shoulder and my sternum. You threaten me with paralysis as you near my spinal cord and grow dark and big. What arrogance! Well, I have some words for you.
I have mindfulness and meditation and you are not going to like them. In fact, I already know you haven’t seen them coming. They have roughed you up a bit with their calm, kind, ease. Aww. Tough. If you can show up unannounced, I sure as hell can unleash mindfulness and meditation on you.
Your resistance is futile. You are already weaker. You can keep trying to hide out, munch on sugars (if I give you any) and try to take over the joint…but I know where you are. Your luck has run out. The Chemo is working. My new diet is working. My NHS medical team is great. I am doing fine. My mindfulness and meditation practice, reminds me this is so. Mindfulness and meditation practice, whether 5 minutes or 35 minutes; it’s getting to you, Mr Tumour (yes you, the large one in my lower spine). I’m talking to you.
YOU are DISSOLVING.
One at a time. Worst, darkest, nastiest first. You are dissolving. I know because I have seen you. My MRI showed me. You are thinner, lighter, dissolving, dying. Don’t feel bad. You are no match for kindness, curiosity, breath, acceptance, listening, powerful visualisation, practice of belief. Belief that my decisions about my treatment have been the right ones for me, that my medical team is the right one for me, the Chemo is the right Chemo for me and that I am doing fine.
My favourite guided meditation reminds me of this.
NOW you are DISSOLVING.
Meditation helps me visualise an all-powerful, protective, transformative, warm, healing light. It wraps up all four of you, Mr Tumour, you and your buddies, letting you know you are not needed. The light heals my body, generates new healthy cells, rids me of you. This same meditation helps me draw energy, power and peace from the Universe, imagine, believe and trust I am in safe hands, doing the best I can do. It is working. You are not running this show or in charge of this gig. I am; with the help and support of mindfulness and meditation.
Mindfulness for sleep. Mindfulness for Cancer. Mindfulness. It helps me to stop. To be. To breathe. To observe. Mindfulness, paying attention, moment to moment, in a kind, curious, non-judgemental way. Not like you, Tumours. You are random, cruel, unnecessary. Yet, thanks to Mindfulness, I accept you. I accept that you are here. I watch you, learn from you, ignore you and listen to you. I accept you have muscled your way in, demanded to be seen, to be heard. With Mindfulness, you don’t get to invade my every moment or even most moments. You don’t get to hurt my sense of who I am. You don’t get to take over. You get to be. Until, you are no longer being.
Listen up Mr Tumour. You are superfluous to requirements. While I accept you are there, I’m just letting you know you can go and take your friends with you. I know you are likely to return in the future; I’m a realist. Right now, you are not needed and not wanted. By the time, you want to make a comeback, I will be stronger than I am now, even more practiced in mindfulness and meditation, and healthier with years of a great low sugar diet behind me. I will have more chemo options and more effective medical solutions at my disposal. I will know more about you, your characteristics and the environment you need to thrive. I won’t provide it. You’ll have to find somewhere else to go or better yet not bother at all. I am ready now. I will be ready in the future.
I might have dark days and dark weeks through this journey Mr Tumour but that is nothing on how uncomfortable I am making things for you. I am not going to fight you. I’m not in a battle. I simply will not be providing the terrain that you want. I see you. You are dissolving. Soon I won’t see you. You are getter weaker. Myeloma may remain but you Mr Tumour are no match for my healing light. You do not have to stick around. Mindfulness and meditation, they’ll remind me why you came and what you can teach me. I won’t forget you. I don’t however, need you. I will watch you dissolve. You can leave now. Thank you.
Three of my favourites;
Survive Thrive and “Dawning of the Day” by Aine Minogue
© 2017 Janine Hayward www.psychingoutcancer.com. All rights reserved.
Posted in Chemotherapy for Myeloma, Psychology for Cancer Tagged with: Cancer, Dissolve, meditation, Mindfulness, Myeloma, Nutrition, spine, Tumour